Memories floating in the cloud...

My fighting spirit...My life... I am going to achieve honor degree while I am still working full-time. I will prove to people that "our" decision are right.

I just don't understand people - Why keep on controlling our life? We are not longer a small kid. We are young adult. We are leading our life to achieve better thing.

I am going to make my life more better than the current situation. I will bring honor to my girlfriend who is always standing beside me and encouraging me.

Problems after problems... I stopped my university due to a lot of problems... The main reason is not because I cannot study the modules.. It is due to lack of concentration as my mind is fully occupied by a lot of problems ranging from family, financial to study pressure. If I am given the time and the concentration, I definitely can study on. But I am battling alone. I going against too many problems in my life.

I need support and support... Everyone going against my decision... Too tired...

Day by Day, I was thinking about my university study. In my current situation, I faced with the struggle and challenge against the numerous barriers that I had to solve. I am at a stage whereby I knew myself that if I am going to continue to go against the barriers to achieve, I am at a perk of confusion and sadness. I feel stress upon stepping into the staircase of the school. My cheerful and motivation with positive drive is lost in the duration of university. With the accumulating problems week by week, I faced with nail while trying to resolve my problem. I want to temporarily put a stop on my uni to solve the remaining problems that I am facing at this moment. Going at the rate with those problems exhausted my mental and physical strength. I am tired.

Life isn't going smoothly for me. Whenever my sadness rise into my mind, it causes a lot of imbalance within my emotions. I really lost the mood to study. GPA is all what people around me been portraying to me. I am getting tired of this kind of life, pursing GPA... On one hand, I am trying hard to maintain my GPA... On another hand, I lost the interest to study and motivate myself. My relationship is directly affected by it. Parents' issues become a problematic matter where it goes out of hand. My relationship is always affected by this parents' issue. This relates to money, image, importance, emotions support and attributes. It creates more worse impact that upsets me when the money or parent related matters start to post in my face. Whenever this matter is being talked, the shadow which I have been trying to suppress keeps triggering into my mind. I don't have much money but I am trying to do my part to cope with my surrounding. Pressure arose higher when there is need for large sum of money. I am feeling hurt but I cannot cry out or have a shoulder to lie on for support.

I want to earn some money. Studying in here is making me sick of everything. No money, no ability. Down right in my mind, I cannot complain or voice this expression out. Due to this matter, it affects my talking tone with people especially loved one. Everyday I am been trying to find ways and methods to survive in here. Every moments I am scared in here.

"what if I don't do well in uni? Will people look down on me?"

Yesterday I ran away from home. I am too tired to face the problems in the house. It seems to be a coward move but I am desperate to get out of there.

I feel very unhappy about the timing issue. A lot of things crashed within two weeks: Quiz, Project which consists of numerous reports within two weeks of submission, Industrial Orientation Preparation, revisions to catch up on the missing lectures. Because of this Industrial Orientation screw up system, I spend the whole day doing my resume and selection for my IO placement. This causes me miss out several important lectures to fulfill the requirement by 5pm today.

While in the relationship, I am trying to manage the timing more effectively but backend, my health is greatly affected due to the continuous two weeks of lack in sleeping hours. I tried to explain to her about my pending problem. Instead of making thing better, my days of meeting her got reduced due to her unhappiness about why I as and when I like to meet up but the actual fact is that she is not happy that my timing cannot be allocated to her. This time I really need her to understand over my matter. It is due to some demanding subjects where none of the scope and requirements are given and have to brainstorm the ideas. All the members are waiting for the call to be tasked. This makes the whole project very hard to cope with. I need a lot of positive and voluntarily effort to do their part in the project.. I am totally stress out. A entire new project where I didn't expose to. Due to the messy timtable that I have in this semester, it really spoilt my entire planning in spending time with her. Most of the lessons ends from the range of 5.30pm to 8.30pm. I feel very sick of this kind of timetable. Some times really feels like running away from the lessons. It is painful process to endure through late lesson except when the subjects are alien to me.

I want to spend more time with her. I wish for understanding and patience in me during my semester study.